I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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