Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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