Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
