he puts the penis in happiness.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
