Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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