You made me cry and you don't even care
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
