Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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