two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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