We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
