her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
