Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
