I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
