I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
