someone threw a dead crab at me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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