I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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