I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
