I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
