I puked a lego.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
