my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
