im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
