Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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