oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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