Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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