My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
