Soap is not a condiment
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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