she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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