I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
