Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
