i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
