Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
