I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
