I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
