Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
