We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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