I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
