Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
