when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
