; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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