How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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