oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
