Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
