i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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