did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
