hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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