I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
