pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
