fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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