The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
