this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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