So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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