I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
