so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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