there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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