maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
