nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
