so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
