I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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