He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
