Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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