imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
