just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
