I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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