I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
