guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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