how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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