i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
