ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
