dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
