apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
