grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
