no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
