I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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