I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
