Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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